In my book, Suspended: Living with Dying, I talk a lot about not only how we are handling our life-altering diagnosis but also about how others around us are. Just as we are unique, they also are, and no two situations are exactly alike.

For example, I recently got an email from a lady whose husband was getting on her nerves. He has always been a schedule/list-type person, but lately, his need for control has gotten out of control. Then it dawned on her, “He’s dealing with my diagnosis as well.”

That is a big step in our relationship with others – recognizing that our illness is not just affecting us but those around us. Depending on their personality, they may be in denial or want to “fix it.” Many feel “out of control,” and, let’s face it, they are! Just like we are.

They may not even realize what is affecting them, but the adrenaline can’t help but flow when we get crisis-type news. It’s important to talk together and normalize the news and the emotions surrounding it as much as possible. Some of us listen with exclamation marks, while others listen with question marks. It’s important to acknowledge the differences and come to a middle ground as you move forward.

And the desire to “fix it?”

Some things just can’t be fixed as quickly as we would like them to be. They are just out of our control. That’s something to recognize together and then try to relax in the process. Stress inhibits healing, and we certainly don’t need more of it.

We need to keep moving forward, so if someone in your life has extra adrenaline, channel it in practical ways so they can be helpful. Meal planning and prep can give you more freedom to rest. My husband, Roger, has taken over the ordering of all my vitamins and medications, which is a huge help. Share the responsibilities of life so that they know they are contributing emotionally and physically.

Most of all, embrace their needs along with yours. Whether it’s family or friends, you have traveled life together through the years. You have cared for each other through many hard times; they want to be there for you during this one.

And you can let them know that you are here for them, as much as you can, during this hard time by sharing it together.

Comment: What would you suggest saying to those who want to “fix it?”